“Wanting him is hard to forget, loving him is hard to regret, losing him is hard to accept, but even with all the hurt I’ve felt, letting go is the most painful yet.” -Unknown
Loving isn't easy as it may seem. It's like a complicated tangled web especially if you are in a complicated relationship. As a young girl, I loved reading romance pocketbooks and dream of having the same happy ending, but it wasn't easy to have one.
About 9 years ago, I met this man, twice my age, in one of the internet chat room and friendship grows between us. This friendship gets deeper that it end up in a romantic relationship. Though I know that he's a separated man (but not legally) I gambled on a chance.
It was like a heaven sent relationship, we rarely fight and there was a give-and-take relationship between us. Maybe because we have the same personality ( we both are born under "aries" sign) that made us understand each others thought, feelings and sometimes actions. It goes for almost 2 years then I thought that it wasn't an ideal kind of relationship and thinking of his kids I do not want them to experience what I had been ( my mom and dad are separated). So, I deliberately stop any communication we have. I ignored any SMS messages and e-mails from him. I changed my cellphone number . I stopped opening my messenger fearing that he would be online and communication would be open again between us. I just couldn't face him and tell him that I'm quitting. I am afraid that I won't be able to say the words.
Months passed by, I felt like I moved on already. So, I went back to a hobby; internet chatting and web surfing. Unexpectedly, when I opened my messenger account, he was online. We had short conversation and agreed to a plain friendship he offered. But it didn't happen. Old flame was rekindled and we were back in each other arm....
It was until few months ago, when I felt insecurities hovering in my entire self. I'm wanting more of him which I know he cannot give for according to him, he has baggage that he cannot throws along the way (his kids).
I made up my mind, I should free him. Two weeks before our birthday, I started ignoring him again. I know he felt what I was up to-so he sent a short message telling me that he's letting me go... I cried so much that I felt like I died instantly after reading his message but I didn't even attempt on responding to it. I guess this is the end of everything we had, but I'd never regret loving him......
